Feeling like a failure

First and foremost, The purpose of this blog is to follow our journey as we write about our experiences writing a book and healing from the long term effects of bullying.

Self Harm is such a hard thing to watch happen to someone you love. While I am doing everything I can to protect my daughter, sometimes I feel it is not enough.

I am human, I am capable of showing a little weakness.

After venting my frustrations to a close family member, they relayed it to a their significant other.... Would not usually be a problem but when you dont know the whole situation, and you dont see it through my eyes, you cant judge decisions that I have had to make. Yes, I showed weakness, feeling like a failure for not being able to help my daughter. I know that this is not my fault. I did not bully her. She did not ask to be bullied. Depression and PTSD is a horrible thing. It is so hard to watch your child suffer and not be able to help.

Anyways, days later, the close family members significant other was "venting frustrations also" stating that they didnt want to give us a dog we were planning on adopting, because I didnt "want my daughter"

1. to the person who said this. YOU DONT UNDERSTAND WHAT WE ARE GOING THROUGH. you are a third party and not seeing it through my eyes. When you have a daugher, and she goes through the same situation, and she keeps backtracking. THEN, maybe then, you can relate to me.
2. to the close family member who wronged me. Your first duty is to protect your blood relatives, by allowing your significant other to talk "trash" about myself and my family that is not loyalty. Regardless of how you feel about the situation you dont know the whole of it.

Bullying needs to stop. YOu dont realize the effect of it until time later. Theres flashbacks, hurt, anger, worry, anxiousness and just a few to name what we are going through. As a mother, it is so hard to do everything your supposed to, and still see your child suffer.

If you or you know someone who is being bullied, get help. Talk to a responsible adult, a teacher, your parents, someone you trust. Dont wait to get help

For parents of those bullied, fight for what you know is right. Make sure youknow your states bullying laws. Be proactive. Ask your children specifically if anyone is bothering them


- CONNIE :)

To Write Love On Her Arms

     Today while I was staring at my 'To Write Love On Her Arms' bracelet I thought about this book thing. How much was I going to share about my life? Anyone can read it. I started to get scared,what if someone at my new school saw this and used it as ammunition for more torture. I then relized.....I really don't care. I have friends now and family who will support my through anything. Throughthe book you will hear EVERYTHING I did. I might even post about it. Till I feel like blogging again peace,love,and music to you all!

Raquel :3

OHIO bullying laws

http://www.bullypolice.org/oh_law.html

Be it enacted by the General Assembly of the State of Ohio: Sec. 3301.22.  The state board of education shall develop a model policy to prohibit harassment, intimidation, or bullying in order to assist school districts in developing their own policies under section 3313.666 of the Revised Code. The board shall issue the model policy within six months after the effective date of this section.
Sec. 3313.666.  (A) As used in this section, "harassment, intimidation, or bullying" means any intentional written, verbal, or physical act that a student has exhibited toward another particular student more than once and the behavior both:
(1) Causes mental or physical harm to the other student;
(2) Is sufficiently severe, persistent, or pervasive that it creates an intimidating, threatening, or abusive educational environment for the other student.
(B) The board of education of each city, local, exempted village, and joint vocational school district shall establish a policy prohibiting harassment, intimidation, or bullying. The policy shall be developed in consultation with parents, school employees, school volunteers, students, and community members. The policy shall include the following:
(1) A statement prohibiting harassment, intimidation, or bullying of any student on school property or at school-sponsored events;
(2) A definition of harassment, intimidation, or bullying that shall include the definition in division (A) of this section;
(3) A procedure for reporting prohibited incidents;
(4) A requirement that school personnel report prohibited incidents of which they are aware to the school principal or other administrator designated by the principal;
(5) A requirement that parents or guardians of any student involved in a prohibited incident be notified and, to the extent permitted by section 3319.321 of the Revised Code and the "Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act of 1974," 88 Stat. 571, 20 U.S.C. 1232q, as amended, have access to any written reports pertaining to the prohibited incident;
(6) A procedure for documenting any prohibited incident that is reported;
(7) A procedure for responding to and investigating any reported incident;
(8) A strategy for protecting a victim from additional harassment, intimidation, or bullying, and from retaliation following a report;
(9) A disciplinary procedure for any student guilty of harassment, intimidation, or bullying, which shall not infringe on any student's rights under the first amendment to the Constitution of the United States;
(10) A requirement that the district administration semiannually provide the president of the district board a written summary of all reported incidents and post the summary on its web site, if the district has a web site, to the extent permitted by section 3319.321 of the Revised Code and the "Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act of 1974," 88 Stat. 571, 20 U.S.C. 1232q, as amended.
(C) Each board's policy shall appear in any student handbooks, and in any of the publications that set forth the comprehensive rules, procedures, and standards of conduct for schools and students in the district. Information regarding the policy shall be incorporated into employee training materials.
(D) A school district employee, student, or volunteer shall be individually immune from liability in a civil action for damages arising from reporting an incident in accordance with a policy adopted pursuant to this section if that person reports an incident of harassment, intimidation, or bullying promptly in good faith and in compliance with the procedures as specified in the policy.
(E) Except as provided in division (D) of this section, nothing in this section prohibits a victim from seeking redress under any other provision of the Revised Code or common law that may apply.
(F) This section does not create a new cause of action or a substantive legal right for any person.
Sec. 3313.667.  (A) Any school district may form bullying prevention task forces, programs, and other initiatives involving volunteers, parents, law enforcement, and community members.
(B) To the extent that state or federal funds are appropriated for these purposes, each school district shall:
(1) Provide training, workshops, or courses on the district's harassment, intimidation, or bullying policy adopted pursuant to section 3313.666 of the Revised Code to school employees and volunteers who have direct contact with students. Time spent by school employees in the training, workshops, or courses shall apply towards any state- or district-mandated continuing education requirements.
(2) Develop a process for educating students about the policy.
(C) This section does not create a new cause of action or a substantive legal right for any person.
 
 

In our case, the bully went unpunished.

Target

A lot of you have been asking how Raquel's bullying got started.

We switched school districts in 2010. As I will discuss in the first chapter of the book, I felt, as a mother it needed to be done.
Raquel started 7th grade at a new middle school. The middle school held 6th - 8th. The district we were previously in, middleschool was 7th and 8th.
Raquel is a quiet, loyal, caring, and a great person. she has always been that way. Its hard for her to make friends. She has had a lot of medical issues from 2009-2010 that she was still dealing with. She was missing a lot of school.

When she missed school, this girl (who we will call Diana) told everyone that the reason she was missing school was because she was sleeping around. (Clearly not the reason)
Because of this, boys would come up to her in the hallway and put their arms around her and say things like "my parents are not going to be home tonight" etc.

This was only the beginning

Did her quiet caring nature make her a target?

I will go more into details as I write the book. I think Raquel will be posting regarding it too.

Please, share this blog with your friends and family, lets get the word out and try and help one person to stop being bullied.

any questions, or comments can also be directed to: connieandraquel@gmail.com

:)

2012

Now that the holidays are over, Raquel and I can seriously start working on our book. In my mind, I already have the first chapter written. I feel I need to rationalize why I moved school districts. One one hand, the district that we were in was falling apart...I had to move. My apartment building sucked. I was so tired of smelling weed every day in the hallways, I wanted a better city to live in... But boy, did it come at a cost. In a lot of ways I still feel guilty. Because I wanted a better life for my girls, we are now in the middle of a unimaginable nightmare. Stephanie is excelling in the new school district, she is doing so well.. Raquel is still struggling. I know that the actions of others shouldnt make me feel guilty, but if we stayed in the district we were in my kids were going to fall behind..... I am in the same district as last year, but different city... I love the city that we are in right now. I hope to buy a house here. Raquel is at a different middle school. Stephanie is at a great elementary school. Why couldnt we end up here first.. Maybe then none of this would have happened. This is what I am wrestling with. Guilt. I realize that this isnt my fault, but I still feel that if something would be different my little girl would not be suffering. She wouldnt be angry, hurting and dealing with so much. It is not fair. This adventure is going to be a hard one I am sure. There will be a lot of tears as we relive a horrible memory. But in a way, I think that it will help us heal.


Please, share this blog with your friends. Lets get the word out...
Happy 2012- The year of the dragon, and the year Raquel and I heal.

Bullies and Music

    "Raquellllllllll wake up!I haven't been able to sleep because of this idea!" My mother announces this morning. I rolled over,My Chemical Romance blasting in one of my ear from my ear bud. I sat up slowly,wiping the sleep from my eyes. She then tells me about wanting to start this blog. Not wanting to rain on my mom's parade, I agreed.
 
     So this is my blog. Hey! Nice to meet you! We will be writing a book based on my experiences and stuff. On my part of the blog you will probably hear lots of references to music. My life through music! Okay......I'm done writing :o)






still tired,
Raquel

Exciting News

Hello! and thanks for coming to visit our blog. This blog is being created so you can follow our journey... Journey to where you ask? Well, let me give you some back story...


2010 my daughter (Raquel, co owner of this blog) started in 7th grade in a new school system. She was severely bullied to the point where her life was threatened. I complained to the school, and nothing was ever done. After my third complaint I pulled Raquel out and homeschooled her. We have found out that there are long term effects to being bullied. Because of these effects, we (well, my idea mostly) decided to write a book on our experience. We are just getting started, but we created this blog so you can follow us on our journey. Please share this page with your friends, and encourage them to share also! We want to hear from you also! Our email address is: connieandraquel@gmail.com please feel free to email us any questions and stories.


Our story is going to be written from both of our sides. We will alternate chapters I am going to start. We will try and post bits and pieces (teasers, you can say) of the book so you can preview it. Please feel free to share this page again, and again.


Follow us on this exciting journey. We know that there will be ups and downs, there is a good chance that it wont even be published. I am confident that at least our story can get out there. If we can reach ONE person to stop bullying it is all worth it.


Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Please check back for future updates.


- Connie (mom)